Sometimes violence isn't obvious except to the victim. Covert violence is often disguised as normal or beneficial behaviors. We can also see this in domestic violence when the abuser doesn't hit or physically harm people, pets, or things, but they use other tactics to control their victim. It can happen in any interpersonal relationships, the workplace, a religious organization, a family, or anywhere - and we have been conditioned to even see much of it as normal!
Some readers may look at the list below and say that these behaviors are a normal part of life. They're a normal part of a toxic system based on power and control, and thankfully a lot of people are realizing they don't have to put up with it anymore.
Here are some ways that we see it on a social and individual level: ("relationships" can be about romantic ones, family dynamics, friendships, workplace culture, or almost any situation where one person regularly interacts with another).
Constant Criticism. Belittling comments, insults, and persistent negative feedback erode self-esteem.
In relationships, this can look like one person constantly saying hurtful things to another. The abuser might not care, or they might even think they're helping the victim to better themselves. In environments with a hierarchy, the abuser will criticize the victim so that they can win status and favor with leaders and others.
In social systems, this often occurs when one group of people speaks poorly about another group of people instead of studying and learning about the historical and social contexts which have shaped others. This includes clinging to stereotypes and other negative attitudes towards a different group.
Gaslighting. Manipulating a person or group of people into doubting their own perceptions, memories, and sanity.
In relationships, a common example would for the abuser to minimize the victim's feelings and excusing their hurtful behaviors or words by saying something like, “It was just a joke” or “You're way too sensitive.”
In social systems, this could look like misrepresenting historical events, minimizing social issues, or denying the experiences of marginalized groups. For example, we have so many successful people who were women or non-white individuals, but they are rarely or briefly recognized. Additionally, a lot of history books minimize or don't focus on the harm that has been done through social and governmental acts of power and control.
Withholding Resources. Denying access to education, healthcare, or economic needs or opportunities.
In relationships, this could look like one person controlling finances, limiting access to money, and sabotaging job opportunities. They may also limit the other person's contact with friends and family. They are even likely to control what the other person does regarding healthcare, eating, and sleeping.
In social systems, we see reducing funding for schools that are underprivileged, continued segregation (it just doesn't look like obvious segregation), denying proper healthcare because of cost or religious beliefs, separating families, and providing access to mainly unhealthy food.
Silencing Dissent. Suppressing critical voices or alternative perspectives.
In relationships, the abuser can suppress the victim by silencing their efforts to express their experience and inner truths. They silence dissent by gaslighting and constant criticism, but the abuser may also use manipulation to offer the facade that they are the victim or the hero (the "good guy") in a given situation. Abusers may also throw tantrums so that those around them will placate them instead of having to spend emotional energy trying to put healthy boundaries in place - or the victim(s) may not know what healthy boundaries are and may believe that they're supposed to tolerate the abuser.
In social systems, those who hold more power or privilege are likely to keep those with less power and privilege from being heard and considered. Those with more power and privilege are likely to gaslight the dissenters as being lazy, mentally ill, sick, or even "bad." (Check out this resource)
Intimidation, Coercion, and Threats. Using pressure or threats to force compliance. Using fear to control behavior, such as threatening to harm oneself or others. Using guilt, shame, or threats to manipulate others into compliance.
In relationships, the abuser would say or do things that could cause the victim to feel fear about what could happen. These things could be incredibly subtle, like hints or passive aggressive statements. For example, "I'd throw you into the wall if you ever did something that crazy" tells the victim that the abuser could throw them into a wall, even if the abuser swears they'd never do something like that. The abuser may also take actions which the victim perceives as a lasting threat, such as when the abuser drives recklessly when angry or invalidates the victim's safety concern. In environments with a hierarchy, the abuser is likely to threaten the victim's well-being by saying they can take away resources, status, and security.
In social systems, this can look like a toxic environment where there is bullying, intimidation, and exclusion. These behaviors are upheld by the status quo, like rules that continue the poor behavior on a mass scale, or in which any leadership is completely unsympathetic to the social problems that others genuinely face. Leadership in this case is more likely to favor people who look, sound, and believe the way that they do, and to silently persecute anyone who is different.
Impacts on Mental Health for our Society
It's important to remember that covert violence is not always obvious. This list is definitely not a full list of all the ways that it occurs!
Covert violence can have profound psychological and emotional consequences, including:
Diminished Self-Esteem: Constant criticism and belittlement can erode a person's sense of self-worth.
Anxiety and Depression: Chronic stress and uncertainty can lead to mental health issues.
Social Isolation: Fear of judgment or rejection can lead to withdrawal from social interactions.
Trauma: The cumulative effects of covert violence can be as damaging as physical abuse.
Addressing Covert Violence To effectively address covert violence, it is essential to:
Recognize the Signs: Be aware of the subtle ways in which covert violence can manifest.
Seek Help: If you are a victim, seek help through counseling, support groups, or even crisis hotlines (listed below).
Challenge Harmful Norms: Question societal expectations and stereotypes that perpetuate inequality.
Promote Empathy and Understanding: Cultivate empathy for others, especially those who are marginalized or oppressed.
Support Survivors: Provide support and resources to those who have experienced covert violence.
Advocate for Systemic Change: Work to dismantle systems that perpetuate inequality and injustice.
By recognizing and addressing covert violence, we can create a more just and equitable society for all.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and equality. If you are in an abusive relationship, it's important to reach out for support and take steps to create a safer future for yourself.
National Crisis Hotline: 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
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